E igentlich I wanted to use this blog not only my personal history and spread, but also give more tips and information on help available and represent a subjective level, in addition to the scientific, medical and pastoral level, to the extent possible establish objectivity.
I think that I have succeeded fairly well. As my personal experience with mental illness in my environment and my own history of depression but may also be helpful for some people, I want you but now also report on the state of things for me personally.
Otherwise, I had my anti-depressants yes always try to sell when I feel good for a long time and I was mentally stable or even healed by God felt ... For some time I take a different reason no more anti-depressants.N oh my descent into a seemingly endless depression spiral that me deeper and deeper down cracking, I experienced some mental states that I still did not know:: And so came panic attacks and anxiety which I am deeply insecure and me life this year seemed at times like a private hell did. Mind you, it's all about my inner life and not to the external circumstances, which for me more are very encouraging. Sometimes I had
afraid to go to the phone because it was too difficult to just my friends to constantly have to explain why I could not attend certain events or meetings. Again and again, this lack of understanding and tedious explanations.
No power and up for anything!
No power to explain why or how. No joy and strength for the things that make me otherwise so much fun: blogging, playing guitar and singing and even my passion for cooking.
No power to clean the teeth and to shave or shower. All these little things procrastinate just feel like a huge mountain. muck around until the afternoon at 14:00 clock in my pajamas and do nothing except read newspapers and play on the PC sit and surf.
Only in the booth and sit when the sun shines. Not even shopping across the street to the supermarket for a snack. Always the thought: That you can indeed do more tomorrow.
and then feel for all that even the bargain guilty.
see His face in the mirror and see yourself just to shit. Make themselves ready with persistent allegations. Although you know in your head that is nonsense! I'm just sick and can not help it. But the inner critic is simply no peace! It runs automatically and commented on everything I do and I can not park there.
And even for that I feel guilty. "You could even just the demons of depression enjoin you to leave!" But I can not. If the demons at all? I have no idea.
I took a double dose
With the agreement of my psychiatrist I then took a double dose of fluoxetine, my antidepressant.
40mg instead of 20mg. At some point, but once the help. But Nope. The weeks and months went by and NOTHING was better. Rather worse, than I ever was.
Sometimes I felt like I was on drugs. I had strange and outlandish ideas. I wish sometimes I would soon be finally dead
Then I went to a psychiatrist to tell him that the medication no longer worked. He advised me to immediately change medicine and wrote me to venlafaxine which is not only on the serotonin level, but also the noradrenaline. Noradrenaline would be responsible for the flight or fight reflex and drive-enhancing effect.
I should fluoxetine half and simultaneously start with a low dose of the new antidepressant and wondered if the new drive would come. In the morning I took the new drug that the doctor gave me was given.
Around noon I was feeling pretty turned up and on the way to the pharmacy, I felt almost as like being on an LSD trip. The people that I passed looked like big plastic doll to me, lacking life. I was afraid that could enhance this "feel drug" yet, but it had to endure. However, I was
nights are full of beans and turns that I really literally could not sleep one minute and in the morning I felt like I was shot through the wringer and was already up at 6 clock. At 8 or even a sleep test and I dawned to 10 is half gone. Then I had an appointment for swimming with a friend and we went together the swimming pool.
pray Another depression-sick Christian from Austria on the phone for me.
Sun around 14:00 clock, I got a call from my friend from Vienna, Olli, which itself has huge problems with depression, insomnia and anxiety. His faith in Jesus is often more than shaky. He claims never to have felt the love of God personally in the 15 years since his being Christian. God had never heard one of his prayers, actually. He often quarrels with God, I can well understand in its history. But now
He caught me on the phone before I will pop back to bed after lunch and he has to pray on your mind for me.
It kicks off like a full-charismatic and commanding all the demons of depression to leave me and to take their dirty hands off me. I think to myself, "Yes Olli do sometimes calm, can I damage apparently does not." I have not the slightest faith that his prayer could move even a small blade of grass.
Then I thank him for the kindness and affection, and go sleep, what works well, thank God.
goes after the prayer I feel good.
After getting up so at 19:00 Clock I check my state of mind and note: Actually, you're doing quite well. You suffer no more at the moment.
am the next morning I just reduced my dose of 20 mg of fluoxetine and leave off the new drug. "That really is a vicious stuff," goes through my mind. After an internet search and study of the leaflet can I find out that it should not be combined with fluoxetine and that's my high blood pressure a contraindication. And I had told my psychiatrist is quite clear that I must take a lot of Medis for high blood pressure.
Over the next week I am fine with the reduced dose of fluoxetine. No sadness. All suffering is like blown away.
some point I decide now to taper my medication completely. For worse than the 40mg, which I took almost half a year, I can also go without actually more difficult I think.
For some time I am quite to zero and still not suffer permanent, as in the whole of last month. Whether the prayer of karnken Olli has helped yet? Without the need of a spark of hope or faith on my part?
After the total withdrawal for one day I was overly sensitive and I cry every time shit. , Sound and film clips. Or with thoughts full of self pity. Then we went back to normal to me. Then I could sleep a few nights, maybe also because I had a cold so strong and my wife has been coughing up half the night. The consequences of stopping wars in the past. About 1 bad day and 3 sleepless nights.
I had the fax with the drugs just totally thick!
not feel I had more to any psycho pills and listening to it, as I then stopped a long time ago with smoking was because I was just in front of disgusted. Without therapy or prayer time.
And I think at the moment: Better a depression slide the honest to myself and my soul is owed, as this chemistry to touch again. And I want trusted, new to God and his help.
Let me fall into his arms. With or without depression!
And although I claim not to be completely cured - that would be unrealistic, I think is it my time much better than with the antidepressant.
And for the new drive has also prayed Olli already .... :-) Perhaps it is the so soon again. At least not right now I am suffering for weeks. And the times Olli has a successful experience with prayer!
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